September 04, 2007

sabbath: morning

Walking in the morning
Time smiles in my hand.
This dawn
Lasts all day.
- Deena Metzger

This particular entry in Wayne Muller's book is a struggle for me. It's not that I find myself in disagreement with Wayne. It's just that I cannot seem to find a way to participate in the Sabbath morning practice if I think of it as part of Sunday morning. Sunday is a work day for me. Yes, it is holy work, but it is still work and I think of it as such. I facilitate the worship life of all those who come to church for a break from their lives, to center, to find God, to seek Sabbath. I help create a space for that to happen. The sad casualty in that creation is that I need a rest some other time in the week. Sabbath has moved for me.

I learned this while living at Richmond Hill. Managing a retreat center takes lots of work. People cook, clean, pray, prepare, teach, and generally offer hospitality. Though these are all holy exercises, the community quickly learned that through creating sabbath for others, we could easily neglect our own sabbath. We all found different ways to manage this. Sometimes our Sabbath Day would be spread throughout the week. Some of us would leave the premises on Saturday night not to return until Monday afternoon. I did this more than once. I would show up to my friends' home desperately tired and crash on their couch.

Being a pastor for me means that I have to find a different Sabbath Day. Monday begins to approach this. But it is also the day I run errands. A true day of rest is a rare beast...very rare. I can catch moments...glimpses. But it is rare.

So, I have, over the years, tried to make a little Sabbath moment every morning. I light a candle or sit and sip the morning coffee slowly. These moments renew my soul.

I have been thinking of other avenues to create Sabbath moments. I have been contemplating re-entering a monastic rhythm by either taking up the Benedictine daily office or joining in the worship life of the Community of the Holy Trinity somehow. Again, that too would have to be at a distance as driving into that neighborhood every morning would be impossible. I have thought about doing what a lot of my minister colleagues do and find an Episcopal or Catholic church to attend with my family during the week for mass. There are several families I know who live this way. But it's a potentially troublesome discipline if the congregation that they serve is not understanding of the need or the difference in worship experience for ministers and their families on Sunday mornings.

It's a good chapter. I like morning Sabbath. I just wish I had one.

Megan's post is here.

Posted by tripp at September 4, 2007 08:31 AM
Comments

Another way that theatre and professional ministry resemble each other... I understand the problem you face!

Are you sure that More Worship is really the way for you to rest?

Posted by: Megan at September 4, 2007 11:45 AM

More worship? Good question! Heh. I don't really worship on Sunday. So, attending a service on another day may finally BE worship. You know what I mean? I won't have any other responsibility than to be present...and present in a completely different way than I am on Sunday mornings. No anxiety about timing or sermon length and content. I can come, pray, listen, sing, and then leave refreshed.

I say this knowing that somehow ministers do find ways to worship...even in the preaching of their own sermons. But I just ain't there yet.

Posted by: Tripp at September 4, 2007 11:51 AM

Yes, I see what you mean. And if you can enter worship without the professional, critical eye engaged -- something I can't do in the theatre! -- then it may be a very fine form of refreshment.

Posted by: Megan at September 4, 2007 12:18 PM

Yeah...that is so difficult. There have only been a few churches where I have been able to do that. And they are usually large (I want to keep my anonymity, you know.) with VERY good music programs. Ah well.

It's an ongoing challenge.

Posted by: Tripp at September 4, 2007 03:08 PM

hmm, this is strange to me. While I would assert that leading in worship at Reconciler is work it is restful work. I have always found leading in worship to be such restful work. I had not realized you had this unfortunate pastoral malady (at least I see it as such). It almost sounds to me like being present is almost a passive thing for you. I mean in a sense worship/liturgy is to be work for all present leaders or not, pastors or not.
I really wonder if a large part of you issue about the work of pastoral leadership in worship and sabbath rest has as much to do with attitude about that role and what worship is if you are not in that role.
Now I still need to have another day other than Sunday to practice sabbath but that practice has already begun in Sunday worship.
These are my thoughts on this off the top of my head.

Posted by: Larry at September 4, 2007 04:51 PM

I would love to hear more of your thinking on this, Larry. I will confess that different forms of worship are more "restful" than others. The more liturgy, the better. But there is also this sense of being responsible. Often, the less structure there is in the service, the more often I experience the worship leader as an active "conductor" of worship. "Now we will..." "Bobby, you go here..." "Yes, now, Gretchen..."

The more structure, and repeated structure there is, the less of this interaction exists, and the less attention to detail, conducting, etc is needed.

Willow Creek has a stage manager calling cues.
Holy Name Cathedral needs no such assistance.

A rhythm to the liturgy always helps me out.

And I am not sure I would think of it as a malady. It was something I was told might be an issue. Many pastors do find it to be such. At least that is what was said at both seminaries I attended. I was even told by some veteran ministers (none you know) that a pastor might not ever get to worship on Sunday morning. Too much is expected.

It is cool to know that you do not find it to be stressful work, but restful. That's good. Do you find this to be the case no matter what style of liturgy is involved? Or can you say?

Posted by: Tripp at September 4, 2007 11:00 PM

I have a blog post percolating that I hope to post on this before I leave for LA.
Your comment on structure makes sense to me.
Yes, I heard the same thing in both seminaries I attended, and pastors warned me of it. I have always seen it as a spiritual sickness. I really think the malady has at its root a misperception of Christian worship, and fits in with your comment on structure, and Willow Creek would be the prime example of this misperception of Christian worship.
I can't say if my finding leading worship restful would pertain to all worship styles, given that I have never lead worship within a free-form liturgical setting. But I have found it to be so in less structured liturgies than what we have at Reconciler.

Posted by: Larry at September 6, 2007 10:41 AM

Just thought you'd like to know I have posted on my blog further reflections on this.

Posted by: Larry at September 6, 2007 08:36 PM