Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.
- Agnes de Mille
Anyway, the storm had this predictable but no less wonderful effect of wiping away some of the veneer of safety and autonomy I live with. I don't need my neighbors. I can do this all on my own, thank you very much. I don't need...yada, yada, yada. Once again I was reminded the importance of paying attention...and just how easy it is to slip into complacency. I do actually need my neighbors. Who knew? Life's rhythms can have this effect. Life's demands can stupefy us. We walk about in a haze of some kind. I am not even sure if I know how to describe it.
In these last few chapters of his book, Sabbath, Wayne Muller is sketching out possible ways of honoring the Sabbath. He offers us an evening rite first. This parallels the Jewish custom of Sabbath and some Christian customs of preparing for The Lord's Day. How we move into darkness is essential. How we move from knowing into unknowing is an essential part of any spiritual journey. In the beginning the world was shapeless and void...
In AA, the first step is to admit one is powerless. Yes, powerless. A twelve-step program does not build you up like some pep rally shouting "You can do it!" No. It is too wise for that. The program knows that the power to change is beyond any one of us. A higher power must step in. That will happen in later steps. But to make room for that higher power, we have to first admit our own powerless. There is simply not enough room for both the alcoholic and God in the same ego. Heh. We have to stop flailing around as if all our actions were purposeful and helpful. For the addict, such action is actually the problem.
There is an important bit of spiritual wisdom in this. Yes, the twelve steps are intense. They have to be. But their earnestness does not subtract from their truthfulness. The earnestness and the desperation of those who cling to the promises within admitting powerlessness witness to the truth that we always begin in darkness. God creates from the void, from chaos, from the abyss. To save our life we must first lose it. To find light, we must begin in darkness.
I like the idea of beginning the Sabbath in the evening. It is a quiet time. We are gearing down and not gearing up. It helps give an appropriate context to Sabbath. But it serves as an appropriate reminder that, in the end, I am powerless. I find my being not in my own willfulness, but in entering nothingness, darkness, and God's own presence.
Megan's post is here. It's quite insightful.
For my money, this is the best idea in the chapter. It bears repeating.Posted by tripp at August 29, 2007 09:17 AM"Gently alters the quality of our attention."
Over the millennia of human development, lots of different people who have become recognized as spiritual leaders from diverse cultures have articulated this same idea. How you focus on or attend to what's going on around you determines the quality of your spiritual experience.