conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

the thesis

I met with my thesis adviser the other day for lunch. All in all it was a good meeting, a beneficial meeting. But I have to start over. Yeah, that's the short of it. Typical for me, what I have written is all interesting but only ten of the pages (A rough guess) actually relate to and support my thesis. The rest is background or tangent. Perhaps that stuff will make for a good article one day, but they are not what should be part of this thesis.

So, it is very good to know that my adviser is still interested in slogging through this stuff with me and my Adult-ADD brain. But it is frustrating to have to start over when I thought that I was 2/3 of the way there. Ah well.

Then there is the whole confidence issue. The bulk of my thesis, not surprisingly, is analysis of Calvin's use of Chrysostom, engaging other scholars' arguments either as supportive of my own or as an interesting alternative to my own...or to simply say that Anthony Lane is wrong. Yeah. It's that last one that terrifies me. I simply wonder if I am bright enough to participate in this conversation. I know I am smart enough to sit in the stands and applaud. But, like football, I am not sure I am strong or fast enough to participate.

I guess I'll find out.