conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

mandodoxy: obedience and belief

One of the things that I am wrangling with in my mandolin lessons is the retooling of my brain. Yes, I am having to unlearn and learn. Unlearning is much more difficult. There are actual, neural pathways that have developed over the years that I have to reroute. For example, I tend to default to second position when I play. This is inaccurate at best. And it has served as a cheat to avoid using the little finger on my left hand too frequently...or at all. I have been disobedient to mandolin convention...no less a mandolinist, but a misguided hack among the faithful. Heh.

When I meet with the Mandoguru, we often talk about these things. He sees the progress. I can tell now when I make mistakes in the picking patterns or when I venture from first position to second without his telling me. This is a great step. But my slips are almost all unconscious. My knowledge is merely in reaction to the uncontrolled misstep. Nonetheless, I have faith that the conventions are an improvement over my autodidactic morass of pseudo-techniques. I see them at work. In some ways I am a much better player already.

Yesterday, however, it occurred to me that I believe but still live within unbelief. My unconscious slips into old habits are signs of that unbelief. It is only obedience to the conventions that will overcome my unbelief. Is using the little finger difficult? You bet. But I have faith that it will not always be so. I now practice playing scales in first position.

I shared this insight with the Mandoguru. He and I both had a little chuckle over the parallel. It's been very interesting for me to think of my skill as belief. Belief and trust are related. I am called as a student to trust the conventions and the Mandoguru. And as I grow in skill (belief) I find that I am able to share in a journey with the Mandoguru and not simply receive wisdom.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.

Posted by tripp at September 26, 2006 09:43 AM