conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

on hold

I'm waiting again. I do a lot of waiting with this temp position.

"Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience." - Ephesians 4:2.

For some reason, this quote comes to mind again and again lately. I wonder, have I not been all that gentle? It's certainly worth asking. I can be sarcastic, manic, difficult and flat out mean with my sense of humor. I try not to be. I pray it up. I pray for patience. I pray for gentleness.

But gentleness does not come easily sometimes.

Most importantly I am not particularly gentle with myself. As in most Christian disciplines and virtues, the right practice and comprehension begins with our relationship with ourselves. Am I gentle with myself? Seldomly.

I could analyze my history, my relationships and wonder about where I learned to not give myself a break. That might help, but it does not change the fact that in the end, I simply need to be more gentle with myself. I need to allow myself to make mistakes. I don't seem to manage to avoid them. The least I could do is allow myself the grace of my own gentleness and forgiveness.

There are other ways to be gentle as well. I could sleep more, play a little more mandolin, not judge myself by the nature of my employment, spend more time with my family and friends, make time for silence...these are, for me, just a sampling of ways that I can be gentle with myself.

And, as you might imagine, I need to be gentle with myself as I learn to be gentle. There is a certain momentum that I have built up over the years. Being gentle is a discipline and it needs my attention.

"Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience." - Ephesians 4:2.

Then, maybe then, I will be able to be more gentle with my friends, family, with those who challenge me in some way...selflessly and patiently.

Posted by tripp at January 31, 2006 12:12 PM