conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

final final self-evaluation

One of our tasks in CPE is to write reflective self-evaluations. We do this for each of our three terms...one midterm and one final. Well, yeaterday I presented my final final evaluation. If all goes well, I will not need to do this again. Yes, I still have an autobiography and a competency paper to complete for the certification process, but those are not as momentus. I know that I have not spoken much about CPE this year. It did not seem an appropriate use of the blog to post on what I am learning here until it was all over.

In four weeks it will be over.

Wow.

Here is a bit from my self-evaluation. I want to share.

The liturgy is the “work of the people.” The job description of the pastor is to facilitate and live within the work of the people. This is how we participate in all things: Sunday services, the ER, care rounds, burial of a loved one, changing a diaper or teaching a child to tie her shoes for the first time. All of life is liturgy. All of life is sacrament.

All of this sacramental talk, of course, makes me an unusual Baptist. This insight plays both into my reflections upon the past year, my understanding of the here and now and my hopes for hereafter. All of life deserves my utmost affection and attention. If I am to be a good husband or pastor, I feel that this attitude will serve me well.

There is a liturgy I enter in the morning when I rise. It is a relatively new liturgy for me. The summer weather has been kind. I get up and pour a cup of coffee. I take my mug and a book and sit on the front stoop for an hour or two depending on how early it is. I read. I pray. Then I get up and get ready for work. My final act is to awaken my wife. I fix her coffee…cream and sugar…and sit on the bed beside her until she awakens. We briefly exchange greetings and I leave for the day. This is a simple liturgy, but it fuels me for the whole day. It contains my hopes and dreams for my family and myself. I wish my life to be the kind of place where gentleness and exuberance can co-exist freely.

The liturgies in the hospital have the same quality for me. This is at the very least what I hope for. I am gentle with the patients. I am exuberant with staff. I share my excitement and joy for my work whenever I can. This grounds me. This contemplative life upholds me. I was not certain that I would be able to have it outside of the retreat center where I lived for four years. But I have been finding it peeking through my daily life…slowly. It is a generous and welcome gift.

...

I was ordained on the Feast of All Saints (observed Nov. 7, 2004) last fall. Much of my energy this year has been spent on learning who I am as a pastor. As a Baptist, I think of pastoring as beginning and ending with the sermon. All the work I imagine I might do during the week at a congregation is fodder and inspiration for sermons. Working in the hospital certainly has shifted that perception. The sermon is not mine any longer…I no longer see it as the property of the ordained…nor the privilege solely of the ordained ministry. One of my verbatims from the first unit expressed this clearly. The sermon is preached all week long in every interaction that I have on the floors of the hospital, at home with my wife, or at play with my band. I receive the spiritual benefits of the sermons that others preach all week long. If I am fortunate enough to have an opportunity to preach at a congregation on Sunday, most frequently I find myself reiterating what has already been preached to me by others. My life as a pastor is to remind (anamnesis) all of us of the presence of God in our midst (sacrament). In the daily life of the community, we all “make Eucharist” and preach good news to the poor, in spirit or in pocket. This is the priesthood of the believer. I believe all of us participate in the sacramental life of the Kingdom of God. Occasionally I have the good fortune of echoing this within the 25 minutes of a Sunday sermon.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

Posted by tripp at July 27, 2005 04:06 PM