Feel free to ignore this post.
To be certain, this has much to do with my lack of sleep. I get by with six hours a night. It is not good for me. I am in a whiney mood this morning. To respond to this reality, I closed the comments on this post. I am venting. Feel free to ignore this at your leisure.
One of the things I am most proud of in myself is that I actually went to seminary. Yes, the vocational call is a great thing and all, but it is that I actually managed to go that amazes me. I can sit on my arse with the best of 'em. Indecision is a second home. I think I spent ten years trying to get up the energy and courage to actually apply again and go to seminary. I have to wade through anxieties and apathies (same coin, different day) to do something as enormous as a Master's degree. And now that I am done, I am trying to enjoy being a graduate, an ordained minister, a married guy and simply let the dust settle. But the dust does not want to settle.
I am working on being a trauma chaplain for the next two years. It is good work and Trish wants to stay in Chicago for a bit longer. Reconciler is of great importance and to make it fly, I will have to be a bi-vocational minister. Chaplaincy is a good fit for this. And yet, I whine. I don't want to file for yet one more set of certificiations. No more training, please! Oy! But that is the reality. And then there is my sickness. Yes, I am ill. I keep poking around these PhD programs. What the hell am I supposed to do with a PhD?!
Several people mentioned the PhD to me last night. I have expressed an interest more than once, so it is no great surprise. At the same time I still find it somewhat shocking that people bring it up. I really don't know if I want one. I try it on from time to time. This morning I surfed Union's site and the U of C Divinity School's site. GTU looks good.
There are just so many questions that orbit the whole PhD thing.
Is it useful?
Does it get me where I want to go?
Do I know where that is?
Does Jesus want me to get one?
Should any of the above matter?
Do I understan Jesus' desire?
Was the Rev Dr Mitchell's re-introduction a 2X4 or common kindness? Both?
How the hell am I supposed to do all the things I feel called to do? Maybe I do not understand calling at all. Maybe I am simply crazed and cannot sit still. It is a disease. Truely.
And I ask all this knowing that my thesis is incomplete in a white binder on my desk at home. I wrestle with my own apathy.
Posted by tripp at April 16, 2005 08:23 AM