conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

monday

Having a significant faith commitment and an identifiable set of religious beliefs was mentioned by just one out of every five parents as an ingredient required for parental success.

Here is a passage from a recent Barna survey that sheds an interesting light on some of the political wrangling that goes around these days.

One of the most startling observations, according to Barna, was how few born again parents indicated that one of the most important outcomes parents needed to help their children grasp was salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. "Only three out of ten born again parents included the salvation of their child in the list of critical parental emphases," he noted. "Parents cannot force or ensure that their kids become followers of Christ. But for that emphasis to not be on the radar screen of most Christian parents is a significant reason why most Americans never embrace Jesus Christ as their savior. We know that parents still have a huge influence on the choices their children make, and we also know that most people either accept Christ when they are young or not at all. The fact that most Christian parents overlook this critical responsibility is one of the biggest challenges to the Christian Church." [emphasis added]

I find this curious when you line it up against this quote from the same report.

The California-based researcher pointed out that there was one substantial distinction. "Born again parents were twice as likely as others to teach their children that there are certain moral absolutes they should obey. However, even on that matter, less than six out of ten born again parents took such a position."

This is a curious thing. Is evangelical Christianity mostly a moral movement and not a spiritual one? Yes, I equate salvation with spirituality. Give me a break. I'm a liberal Baptist. I can't help myself. Christian identity was touted so highly at the presidential election. So many evangelicals came out to vote. We have bandied those stats around until we were all blue...in the face that is. What is surprising is the juxtaposition of these two ideas. I am still chewing on it, but one would think that salvation and moral identity would be more closely tied for the evangelical. Perhaps it is not. Or maybe I am missing something here.

Barna, who is pretty conservative all things being equal, has this to wrap up. I think he's just a little surprised at his own findings.

For years we have reported research findings showing that born again adults think and behave very much like everyone else. It often seems that their faith makes very little difference in their life. This new study helps explain why that is: believers do not train their children to think or act any differently. When our kids are exposed to the same influences, without much supervision, and are generally not guided to interpret their circumstances and opportunities in light of biblical principles, it’s no wonder that they grow up to be just as involved in gambling, adultery, divorce, cohabitation, excessive drinking and other unbiblical behaviors as everyone else. What we build into a child’s life prior to the age of 13 represents the moral and spiritual foundation that defines them as individuals and directs their choices for the remainder of their life. Garbage in, garbage out; there’s no magic that suddenly changes the young person from what they were trained to be in their formative years into a model Christian once they get older.

So, what I wonder is if a goodly percentage of conservative evangelicals (born again?*) are simply more fixated on morality than anything else. It would be interesting to find out if there is a morality shift between generations as well. Religious affiliation may change or evaporate, but does the moral stance do so as well? Perhaps not. This is all very interesting to me. I see the survey saying that there is perhaps a disconnect between faith and morality. Maybe I am reading that into the survey. Growing up, I perceived evangelical conservative Christianity to be this monolithic political and religious/ecclesial power. Falwell, Bob Jones etc have their names all over the media in Virginia. The monolith showed its teeth this past election. And yet, Barna's research shows that it may not be so much a religious power but a plotical one...at least if the reference to how they their children sheds any light on their own since of identity. I dunno. Something is in this for me. Also, Barna's definition of born again is, I don't know, generous. It may be that he is looking at a sample that extends well beyond evangelical conservativism. The "moral absolutes" piece is what makes this unclear. It may be that people like myself and Cliff could fall in Barna's category. I would not classify myself as "born again." And I am not certain that Cliff would. I dunno. You say "born again" and I hear "conservative evangelical." Cliff would have a different nuance to this.

I do not bring all this up to bash conservative people. I love too many of 'em! What I am wondering is if the "family values" political block is actually a Christian block. Perhaps it is not. This survey gives me some reasons to rethink how all Christianity and conservativism are connected. They may not be so hand in hand as we thought. And, honestly, political musings aside, Barna's chief complaint is that a large percentage of people who claim the faith as important are not sharing it actively with their kids...or are not thinking of it as part of child rearing. ([Small] numbers of parents listed elements such as being a praying person (4%) or having integrity or good character (1%) as significant characteristics [of good parenting].) Thus, we see a shrinking of Christian faithful in the majority population.

You can all go here for the free survey. I am going to poke around in it again to see what I can see.

Have a good day.

[*Born again Christians were defined in these surveys as people who said they have made "a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life today" and who also indicated they believe that when they die they will go to Heaven because they had confessed their sins and had accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Respondents were not asked to describe themselves as "born again." Being classified as "born again" is not dependent upon church or denominational affiliation or involvement.]

hmmm...

My friend Theresa in New York has requested something of me that I have actually been thinking about. She has suggested/requested that I write a piece for voice and cello...perhaps an entire mass for voice and cello.

Oh. My.

"evangelical for a day"

This is what my friend CT said to me at the recent up/rooted collect. I was piping up a little too much and a little to neo-orthodox. He laughed and suggested that I keep quiet. I had been granted evangelical standing for a day. I should try not to squander it. Ha! So true. So I stopped talking so much and tried to listen. The very strong fully-caffeinated jo made this difficult.

Go to Mike's blog if you are interested in another's perspective on the day. He actually quoted me. I am flattered to no end, but it shows jsut how much I prattled along. I have to speak a lot for something useful to come out. Heh.

Anyway, here is what I ended up thinking about during our meeting together. Ed Phillips, the presenter, is a professor I studied under at seminary. He is a bright man. He's an evangelical with a liturgical understanding of the church and its history. He teaches at Garrett.

[Editorial Happiness: AKMA has responded to this post. He offers a lot. It left me with many questions, but I may simply have to get to those on my own later.]

The program was split into two halves. I was onlt able to attend the first. You may have to poke around to see if anyone posted on the issue of electronic media in worship.

Evangelicals are the Christians most interested in reaching postmoderns, but they are also the least equipped to do so. -Stanley Grenz (as quoted by Geoff Holsclaw, Stanley wasn't there)

That was our starting point. So, um, yeah. It was interesting.

Here is the first question that cought my attention and sent my mind reeling. paraphrased: "How do we understand the purpose of liturgy as a teaching tool? It seems that whenever we become too didactic, we cannot worship, but the moment we stop explaining then worship becomes meaningless." Yep. This is the non-liturgical/non-sacramental struggle with liturgy. This is why we are always reinventing the wheel. God bless SWTS. Quickly it became clear that worship/liturgy is both performative and catechetical. It is an expression of the faith and it shapes us in the faith. It is both. It is not either. The trick, it seems, is to step into a stream of living tradition and attempt to enter in. I think of it as art. It is high art. It is prayer.

How does one understand teaching liturgy?
- it is embodied formation and as important as feeding the hungry
- we may simply need to allow the liturgy to teach itself
- we are entering an existing tradition; we need not reinvent the wheel
- there is a question of leadership and our non-liturgical/non-sacramental understanding of the place of the ordained leadership. [We never got this far in conversation. I was hoping we might.]

There is some Protestant fallout where this kind of thing comes into play. We do not really have priests. We have the priesthood of the believer, but we do not have Priests. We have worship leaders. We have song leaders and maybe even the occasional liturgist. We have preachers and pastors instead of priests. We fulfill ritual roles, but we have no sacramental understanding of Christ being incarnated in the leader or the gathered. Our understanding is much more fluid and, well, analytical.

Oddly, because we do not have priests, we have a hard time understanding worship as pastoral...as formative. It can be educational and informative (analytical again), but we do not understand it as formative...even though it clearly forms us. General sweping statement? Yep. But it is interesting.

Where can we go to gain an understanding of liturgy as formative? Calvin saw liturgy as pastoral and formative. This is why he was so didactic. Taize may be a good place for us to explore as well. At this point in the conversation (and my musing) I made the comment Mike recalls about monasticism: Not everyone can be a monk; but seeing a monk be a monk positively informs my own experience of the faith. We protestants, especially we non-liturgical types, have lost the monastery. No one, except for the occasional individual, prays daily offering their work to God in a way that is appropriately public for the gathered community of believers. I spoke of the Community of the Holy Trinity and how Reconciler is trying to create a formal relationship between the two. I believe we need monasticism to better understand what it can mean to be Christian. As it stands, we wax and wane between individualism and sectarianism.

So, that was one of the many threads of conversation yesterday. I will see who else may keep a blog and might have posted on the gathering. It was a great meeting and I was sad to leave early. But Justin needed to move into his new digs. So, I schlepped in the afternoon.

[Mike posted this article many moons ago. It may give some sense to this whole post-modern thing approached from an evangelical perspective.]

ooo...aaahhhh...

link

dern faddish blogposting...

Here it goes. So many others are doing it. Be gentle. Heck, be funny. Whatever. Oy. If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.

Then post this to your journal/blog. See what people remember about you.

all hail the podcast

Here's the kicker: podcasts, as a concept, have only been around since September-ish of last year, and a Google search on 'podcast' yields around 1,790,000 hits as of this writing. This could be big...

Rich is on to something. Check out his post on Podcasting. I have been playing around with it a little this morning. I downloaded Audacity last night. Very simple. Very cool. It is not for studio-quality musical recordings, but it is perfect for podcasting. Think of it like an audio sketch. As soon as I figure out how to get a cleaner recording...say...one that does not have the sound of my laptop's fan in the background, I think that there may be some original mp3's on this blog. Oh. My. Someone have a microphone with a 1/8" jack? May I borrow it?

to explain

Earlier this week, the Chief Blogging Officer had an interesting question...What the heck is Jesus doing in lint form? What is that about? Does anyone realize that there is some logic to the title of the blog, some vague reference to Mary and monasticism? Yes, it all hinges on some lack of sanity on my part, but that is no surprise.

So, the story, as it is, goes like this:

***

Once upon a time, I lived in a religious community. We shared a laundry room (several washers and driers...lovely). Our laundry detergent etc was a different issue. No one could agree on what kind of detergent we would use, so we each purchased our own, schismatics that we were. They would all be stacked in random fashion on a table in the corner by the window.

One morning, Carol, our chief cook and bottle washer at the time, came downstairs to do laundry. She was stopped dead in her tracks for several moments, hooted and then called us all to come down to the laundry room. Our Lady was there, present in the stacked bottles of detergent and boxes of drier sheets. Honest to goodness, the silouette in the window looked just like Mary. We left the bottles like that for about a week or more. Our Lady of the Laundry Room is still spoken of with great reverence.

The connection should become a little more obvious now. I have a tendancy to gaze a little too long...I am a bit too introspective at times. I conjecture and theologize. I gaze and wonder. I stare at my proverbial belly button. Will Jesus be there? Perhaps in the lint I will find Jesus.

It is a metaphor slimed with silliness and a vague reference to communal living. So, now you know. Aren't you glad someone asked?

in today's political forum

Here is a little something to get your blood flowing in the early morning hours. I have posted another quote and a link to the full article in the forum. There is even a poll! I find all of this very interesting. My parents are educators. My father served as membership director for the Virginia Education Association for many years. Special interests aside, all of the criticisms in this article were mentioned at back-porch conversations as well at my parents' house.

Concluding a yearlong study on the effectiveness of President Bush's sweeping education law, No Child Left Behind, a bipartisan panel of lawmakers drawn from many states yesterday pronounced it a flawed, convoluted and unconstitutional education reform initiative that had usurped state and local control of public schools.

gitali 49

With those spotless hands, day and night,
You Yourself light this here light,
this here light.

Here is the dawn, here is the sky,
Here is the floral display of worship;
It is so pure, so pleasant, so excellent -
this light, this light.

In the heart of the dark cloud
You Yourself awaken and light
this here light, this here light.

Here is the rainstorm lit by lightning,
Here is the fiery garland of sorrow,
Here is freedom, here is brightness,
here is weal -
Here is light, here is light.

music...ah...

I have been working on this piece for the band. It looks like we will have a couple of gigs coming up and I would like to be ready. March 9th we will be playing a benefit for a local theater troupe. More information will follow. And on St Patrick's Day we will be playing at the Wabash Tap in the South Loop. That is an early evening gig. We may try to make two gigs happen. I'll let you guys know more as I do.

My young love said to me, my mother won´t mind
And my father won´t slight you for your lack of kine,
And she stepped away from me and this she did say,
It will not be long love ´til our wedding day.

She stepped away from me and she moved through the fair,
And fondly I watched her move here and move there,
Then she went her way homeward with one star awake,
As the swan in the evening moves over the lake.

The people were saying no two were e´er wed,
But one has a sorrow that never was said,
And I smiled as she passed with her goods and her gear,
And that was the last that I saw of my dear.

I dreamt it last night that my young love came in,
So softly she entered her feet made no din,
She came close beside me and this she did say,
It will not be long love ´til our wedding day.

Follow the band link to another tune or two. Molly Malone is the better of the two linked there, I think. Tom, Al, Sean and myself give it a good run. Save the mp3. Enjoy it. Spread it around. You should find it bug-free.

On Molly Malone -
Tom: lead vocals
Al: banjo and backup vocals
Sean: guitar and backup vocals
Me: bodhran and backup vocals

Info on the Wabash tap from Metromix.com:

Wabash Tap
1233 S. Wabash Ave.
312-360-9488

Located in the heart of the South Loop, The Wabash Tap is a strictly casual getaway for the post-work drink or three. Opened by the folks behind the Firehouse, the second venture is far less formal. The tongue-in-cheek "no ties" dress code and live music (Friday & Saturday) make this a place for some serious unwinding -- expect good, cheap beer, a lively, urban crowd and no-frills burgers and snack food. The sparse menu offers four sandwiches: cheeseburger, Philly cheesesteak, Italian sausage and chicken. There's no dance floor, but that's not going to stop anyone; the management is more than happy to move tables out of the way to accommodate those with fancy feet.

and so the foolishness begins

Noz has done it. He has christened the forum. Actually, it may be more like a bris, but I don't know how Noz aligns himself of late. Suffice it to say that the political discussion has begun with just the right (left? centrist? indy?) tone on the political gazing forum. If you can't laugh at yourself, what is the point of owning a mirror?

Other than that, things are kicking along swimmingly here at anglobaptist.org. I am slowly getting all the requisite affiliations switched over to this blog. I do want to figure out how to set up the Technorati trackback variant. For now I have the "Technorati This" whatsit on my toolbar. It works well with Firefox. I like knowing who is linking to what and for what reasons. This is the joy of the net for me. Connectivity, brothers and sisters, is an ontological state. Ha!

You all have a great day and play well with others. I will continue to enjoy my 80's flashback. Men at Work was a great band. No one should tell you different. It's a Mistake was an underrated tune. Partisan? Yes, but in that Aussie way of international critique. I think REO is coming up next on my mix. I'll see you all later.

[Breaking News!!]It seems like our little corner of the Blogiverse is receiving some recongition. This post made me very happy. I laughed out loud. Thanks to Dylan and Beth. I need to create a link to that wondrous U2 site. It will come. In the meantime, everyone else link to it. Get up off your knees.

Jump down the shelters to get away
The boys are cockin' up their guns
Tell us general, is it party time
If it is can we all come

Don't think that we don't know
Don't think that we're not trying
Don't think we move too slow
It's no use after crying
Saying

It's a mistake, it's a mistake
It's a mistake, it's a mistake

After the laughter as died away
And all the boys have had their fun
No surface noise now, not much to say
They've got the bad guys on the run

Don't try to say you're sorry
Don't say he drew his gun
They've gone and grabbed old Ronnie
He's not the only one
Saying

It's a mistake, it's a mistake
It's a mistake, it's a mistake

Tell us commander, what do you think
'Cause we know that you love all that power
Is it on then, are we on the brink
We wish you'd all throw in the towel

We'll not fade out too soon
Not in this finest hour
Whistle your favourite tune
We'll send a card and flower
Saying

It's a mistake, it's a mistake
It's a mistake, it's a mistake
It's a mistake, it's a mistake

welcome

This here be the new digs. My friend, Trevor, has some cool things going on at space2burn. So, I finally moved everything over. Now, if you look a little above this post, you will see the link back to the front page, to the gallery (not the same as Flickr) and to the forum. I have been playing with the format of the forum. If you have some ideas, let me know. I am trying to create a public space here at anglobaptist. I know that a blog is public, but the forum might allow you to start your own threads. We shall see how that works.

Also, the comment system is different now. When you first comment on a post, there is a spam protector that allows me to double check the commentor before I allow the comments to appear. Once you get through that hoop the first time, your comments should appear immediately like they did at the old blog. It is just a way to protect me from comment spam.

So, all y'all comment! I will leave the other page up for a while...until people have gotten the news.

satreday glee

The University of Blogaria, Sjlbvdnzv has another faculty position to throw in the ranks. It would appear that the Phillips Brooks Episcopal Seminary has been given yet another grant for a faculty position. Incredible. They must be sitting on a pretty large endowment! Anyway, the UBSC and PBES welcomes Wide-Eyed Beth. She has been granted the Emily Saliers Chair of Theological Feistiness. We also welcome Sarah Dylan Breuer to the faculty. She holds the Adam Clayton Chair for Pauline Studies.

The Arminian and yet Reformed Theological Seminary of Sjlbvdnzv welcomes Jordon Cooper to the faculty. He has been granted the Emergent Zeitgeist Chair for Christian Worship and Internet Savvy. Verbose? Yes. Appropriate? I have no idea.

David Wienberger has been added to the faculty listing for the Graduate School. He holds the esteemed National Public Radio chair of Weblog Pundrity and Quasi-profundity. His is a must read. So too is Chris Locke. He is now the Chief Blogging Officer for the Graduate School and teaches a course or two in Internet Vocalizing. Dave Winer should make an excellent addition as well. We are pleased to have his "scriptiness" with us. We are borrowing him from the Berkman Center for Internet & Society, Harvard Law School. He will be sharing his expertise with us until he finds out I actually linked to his page. At that time, I will stop posting and move to a small country on the shores of the North Atlantic to attemtp to escape Those From Harvard Law. Welcome, Dave!

Here are links to a couple of interesting posts by current members of the faculty.

Jennifer Collins has something to add to the pacifist conversations of late.
Hugo Schwyzer has been posting on dating and teen life. Interesting stuff.

navel gazing and water

Abit ago, I posted about some of my vocational musings. I ended up sharing it with the CPE group in a more forman conversation. If you follow the link you will find the entirety of the navel gazing. I figured I would share it with you all as well. You may recognise some of it from the earlier post, but I expanded it somewhat. I think it captures more of what I am struggling with. Feel free to comment.

In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from
God swept over the face of the waters. Gen 1:1-2

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea. The LORD drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night, and turned the sea into dry land; and the
waters were divided. Ex 14:21

I have been troubled.

A week or so ago, I was speaking with friends and a couple of new aquaintances and one of the new folk asked me something like, "So, now that you are done with school and all that and are in the hospital, do you know what you want to do with all of it? Do you have a sense of what's next?" Before I could respond, my friends started to giggle. Yes, it was a funny question. What the aquaintance did not know is that I have never ever known what I wanted to do. I am not the most career-minded person. Even when I went to seminary, my decision was more about wanting to go to seminary than to get ordained and be a Baptist minister. As the stages have progressed, I generally get a sense of what is next...and I go that route. School to ordination to some kind of ministry...a very general path where I have yet to ask myself "Is this what you want?" I usually ask a slightly different question: "Are you having a good time?"

Maybe to some this is a silly way to approach these decisions. Perhaps to others it shows some wisdom. I don't know. Maybe it is the question that is the subtext for the general "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I have no clue. Heh. I guess the funny reality is that in spite of all the focus that appears to exist in my life right now, I am still the same clueless guy that I was when I was 25. I live with that reality in a different way now, but it is still the reality I have to wrestle with.

As I mentioned this week in group time, I think I might want to do this work for a living. "I want his job!" I must confess that I do not know how much of that desire is realistic or is simply a response to being stimulated by a specific situation. In either case, it is worth working through. I was hoping you all might be of some help in this. In the process of reflecting on a possible career in trauma work, this hymn came to mind for me.

Wade in the water
Wade in the water, children,
Wade in the water
God's a-going to trouble the water

See that host all dressed in white
God's a-going to trouble the water
The leader looks like the Israelite
God's a-going to trouble the water

See that band all dressed in red
God's a-going to trouble the water
Looks like the band that Moses led
God's a-going to trouble the water

Look over yonder, what do you see
God's a-going to trouble the water
The Holy Ghost a-coming on me
God's a-going to trouble the water

If you don't believe I've been redeemed
God's a-going to trouble the water
Just follow me down to the Jordan's stream
God's a-going to trouble the water

There is much to say for being troubled. Complacency is a spiritual illness. Simplicity and constancy are good and laudable, but complacency is another issue. I find I gravitate toward complacency. I like the status quo, for things to go on as they are, no matter how odd or stressful, the unknown is still more stressful and frightening than the known. What I have discovered, however, is that God is at work, and when God works, I am jarred out of my complacency and the water in which I stand is troubled.

In Exodus, God sends a stiff wind to blow apart the waters. This troubling of the water is liberation for God??s People. I think that God works this way. Often, water is troubled on our behalf. Yes, the change can be dramatic, agonizing and even terrifying, but the Breath of God brings about the Will of God. I wonder now if God is leading me to a promised land.

In Genesis, I see the benefits of God's sweeping over the waters of the deep. Until God troubles the water, it is formless, void of life and meaning. It is empty. God's spirit, God's breath (Ruah El??ohim) moves over the still places. In this instance, it is the stillness in my own heart, those places in me that are still void and formless, where I have kept God at bay.

One of those places, I believe, has to do with career and how I plan for my future. I think I have mentioned before that I have never been "future oriented." Planning for a career has been the lowest of priorities. There are many reasons for this, some healthy, some not. Fears and pessimism can rule me. Cynicism has its place as well. God troubles the stagnant places, the places in me that are unhealthy, where I may fight against growth and change. In the face of suffering, when I minister to people, my hardened heart is cracked open. My experience with families who decide on organ donation or with families who suffer through the traumatic death of a loved one troubles the still waters.

I want those waters to be troubled. Through that trouble, God rescues me. God will separate the water freeing me from myself. This is an Exodus, a moment of re-creation.

greenspan

When Mr. Greenspan ventured into politics in 2001, he gave his blessing for Mr. Bush's huge tax cuts. Today, thanks in part to those tax cuts, the surplus Mr. Bush inherited is a $412 billion budget deficit, and the president's own budget proposal projects deficits as far as the eye can see. If Mr. Greenspan really wants to increase national savings, he should advocate cutting the deficit. If he really wants to close the gap in Social Security, he should not shy away from prudent tax increases. And if he wants to keep the financial markets calm, he should disapprove of enormous borrowing.$$$

five years

Five years ago today my wife and I had our first date. We went out for beers at the Hopleaf and waited for the snow to begin to fall. A lot has changed in the intervening years. I no longer go out for beers. When we first started dating I was not certain going to seminary. I thought I would be a professional singer again. She has held up her own through a lot. For these reasons and many, many more, this anniversary matters a great deal to me. Although I we both have to work today, tonight there will be candles and home cookin'. We need the down time.

She's as cute as a Bug
Short as a minute
She's a pretty little package with
Everything in it
I've said enough
To praise God above
I'm crazy in love
She's as cute as a Bug
-Lyle Lovett

So, happy First Date, babe. I promise to get my hair cut soon. Heh.

jonah wore flipflops

I guess it makes sense. He spent some time at sea. Being spewed up on the beach, flipflops may have come in handy.

God love 'em, but I think the marketing is just a little, I dunno, roughshod.

horoscope

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "It's not that I'm so smart," said Albert Einnstein, "it's just that I stay with problems longer." This thought should be your foundation in the coming week, Aquarius. As innovative as you can be in dreaming up solutions to knotty dilemmas, you are sometimes insufficiently devoted to the drudgery of executing all the details of your solutions; you don't always follow up on your promising beginnings. The good news is that this is a perfect moment to change that old pattern. I dare you to endure boredom for the sake of a very good cause.

Hmmm...what is this about?

decisions decisions

Aweek or so ago, I was speaking with friends and a couple of new aquaintances and one of the new folk asked me something like, "So, now that you are done with school and all that and are in the hospital, do you know what you want to do with all of it? Do you have a sense of what's next?" Before I could respond, my friends started to giggle. Yes, it was a funny question. What the aquaintance did not know is that I have never ever know what I wanted to do. I am not the most career-minded person. Even when I went to seminary, my decision was more about wanting to go to seminary than to get ordained and be a Baptist minister. As the stages have progressed, I generally get a sense of what is next...and I go that route. School to ordination to some kind of ministry...a very general path where I have yet to ask myself "Is this what you want?" I usually ask a slightly different question: "Are you having a good time?"

Maybe to some this is a silly way to approach these decisions. Perhaps to others it shows some wisdom. I don't know. Maybe it is the question that is the subtext for the general "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I have no clue. Heh. I guess the funny reality is that in spite of all the focus that appears to exist in my life right now, I am still the same clueless guy that I was when I was 25. I live with that reality in a different way now, but it is still the reality I have to wrestle with.

The reason I bring up this particular navel gazing is that I am considering doing another year at the hospital. This would involve a lot of work on my part to create a new position (write grants, find funding, court leadership...yada yada yada). I have no interest in another year of CPE, but I think that I want to do another year as a trauma chaplain. I don't know for certain. I am still feeling it out. I spent about three hours with the full-time trauma chaplain at the hospital working this stuff through. And, sadly, it simply boils dow to the reality that I am having fun. As much as it works me over and tears me up, I am loving this chaplain work. I do not know if it is because I find trauma work so engaging or if it is simply due to the fact that I am putting wheels on all the theological rambling that I have been doing for lo these many years. It may simply feel good to be working. Maybe I would have this much fun in a full-time pastor's position.

To be honest, I think I would. I have the great fortune of imagining myself enjoying several different careers related to ministry. I love teaching. I love reading and conversation. I love preaching and worship ministry. I even like working through the budget of a big-arse church. I like committee meetings. This is one of the reasons why ministry suits me, I think. I like it all. Ministry is often referred to as a jack-of-all-trades line of work. Though this is overly simplified and denies the reality that some people go into this work because the feel called to preach and that is all or something else that focused, it is helpful to me. Here, I can do all the things I want to do. I can learn to do them all well.

I simply love my work.

Now, what I need to do is figure out if I love the specific ministry I have as a trauma chaplain enough to do it for a year in lieu (sorta) of all the other things. It would just be a year, but I need to think on it. I would appreciate your prayers while I discern what to do next. I will get the ball rolling on the process one way or another. I have only six months to secure the necessary funds. That reality doe snot change and I would rather not allow the fiscal reality to make the decision for me.

So, there you have it. That is what I have been musing about of late. You all have a good day. John Calvin says "hello." He missed you all while he was gone.

First, then, let us believe in the promises which Jesus Christ, who is the unfailing truth, has pronounced with his own lips, namely, that he is indeed willing to make us partakers of his own body and blood, in order that we may possess him entirely and in such a manner that he may live in us, and we in him. And, although we see only bread and wine, yet let us not doubt that he accomplishes spiritually in our souls all that he shows outwardly by these visible signs; in other words, that he is heavenly bread, to feed and nourish us into eternal life. (1542 liturgy)

I just like him. I don't always agree with brother Calvin, but I do so like him. Let 'er rip, brother, let 'er rip!

We confess that the holy supper of our Lord is a testimony of the union which we have with Jesus Christ, inasmuch as not only he died and rose from the dead for us, but also truly feeds and nourishes us with his flesh, till we be one with him and his life be common to us. Now though he is in the heavens till he come to judge the world, nevertheless we believe that by the secret and incomprehensible power of his Spirit, he nourishes and vivifies us by the substance of his body and blood. We hold indeed that this is done spiritually, in order not to substitute for a fact and a truth, an imagination or an idea, but also because this mystery transcends in its depth the measure of our capacity and the whole order of nature. In one word, inasmuch as it is celestial, that it can be apprehended only by faith. (Exposition of the faith of the Reformed Churches in France. GENEVA, October, 1557 )

thesis? what thesis?

You may all start praying now. I am staring at my thesis this morning. In conversation with Justin last night I was reminded what it is that I need to be doing with my lenten time. This is something I must take up this lent. You know, I only need to crank out another twenty or thirty pages and send that draft in. I will repeat the process again after that, but the research is done. I can do this...if I do this in stages.

So, here are a couple of thoughts from Martha Moore-Keish, an excellent Calvin scholar and Emory grad.

Likewise Calvin sought a middle way with regard to actions: a physical action alone is not sufficient to accomplish the purpose of the ritual, but actions do have a kind of power. For instance, if those who are unworthy partake of the bread and the wine of communion, they bring condemnation on themselves. Their action proclaims that salvation is only in Christ, but they lack the faith in this proclamation. Therefore, through their actions, �they are their own accusers.� Furthermore, Calvin showed his concern for proper actions in the eucharist by devoting eight subheadings of the Institutes to the details of celebration of the Lord�s Supper. Physical symbols, both objects and actions, are central to the eucharistic ritual.

and

Words are a crucial element in the eucharistic ritual. Perhaps he overemphasized words as a reaction to the mass, but he was supremely concerned that people understand what they are doing. The ritual is not effective if they cannot hear the words or understand the language in which they are spoken. As he stated, �the Word must explain the sign� and �the sacrament requires preaching to beget faith.� The sacrament must include comprehensible words, because it is not the elements that are converted; people are converted.

Ad fontes was a �call to arms� for the humanists of the Renaissance. According to Bouwsma, �[Renaissance humanists] looked for inspiration not to the philosophers of antiquity but to its orators, poets and historians. Their preference for persuasion over rational conviction was associated with a view of human beings as passionate, active and social rather than intellectual�Rhetoric, in the words of Coluccio Salutati, can �inspire souls and set hearts afire.��

Humanism was a philosophical reaction against the systematic and dogmatic Nominalism of the Middle Ages. �It was descended from the ancient rhetorical tradition, which had contested the pretensions of philosophy at least since the confrontation between Socrates and Protagoras.� It was a philosophical reaction against the systematic and dogmatic Nominalism of the Middle Ages. Humanism espoused free inquiry and thus doctrine could be challenged, assessed and redefined. This redefinition for Christian Humanism thus allowed for greater criticism of church doctrine and practice. Authority shifted from cotemporary ecclesial doctrines of authority and theology but to the source (ad fontes), the early church and the Fathers.

In Bouwsma�s biography of John Calvin, we find this statement:

. [Humanism] was crucial to his thought. It constantly challenged his traditional culture, and Calvinism has its origins in his struggle to come to terms with the double legacy of philosophy and humanism. Much of Calvin�s genius lay in the skill � which, however, was that of a humanist � that enabled him to contain and sometimes to conceal, the tensions and contradictions in his thought. This is what makes his achievement so characteristic of his time.

Language and words are meant to inspire. Mere facts are not enough. Simply describing a systematic theology does not convince no matter how accurate it may be. Figurative language goes farther to express an idea than plain facts. �Decorum and figure seemed to him basic to eloquence, which he praised as a �special grace from God.�� Though one may wish to debate whether or not Calvin was an eloquent writer or speaker, that he held it in high regard is, according to Bouwsma, irrefutable.

Somehow this makes me think that this Emergent church thing is not so new. Heh. And it reminds me why I like Calvin. He lived the contradictions. Nice.

Okay, y'all have a good day. I am gonna have some coffee.

the return of the interesting tid bit!

This is, um, encouraging? Or is it troubling somehow? I don't know, but I am very interested in what is going on online, so I thought I should point you all to this NY Times article. You will need to do that whole free registration hula.

In September, conservative bloggers exposed flaws in a report by Dan Rather; he subsequently announced that on March 9 he would step down as anchor of the "CBS Evening News." On Friday, after nearly two weeks of intensifying pressure on the Internet, Eason Jordan, the chief news executive at CNN, abruptly resigned after being besieged by the online community. Morever, last week liberal bloggers forced a sketchily credentialed White House reporter to quit his post.

The ease of information sharing has always made a difference. From newspapers to television to the internet...the foodchain of information wranglers grows and changes along with technology. It seems that the blogiverse is have a real influence after all. So, now, will we change our tone, read new blogs or curb our vehemence?

Perhaps we should all hire professional editors. You know, a dozen blogs chip in to pay someone to make certain that we are using english. If I am going to bring about the next reformation o rput an end to the horrible misinformation provided by Lighthouse Publishing, I would like to be using English...not this pre-coffee dialect. Any takers?

interesting tid bit

Barna is at it again. I thought it was an interesting surey. Nothing earth shattering, just interesting.

Baptist churches were distinguished by placing evangelism at the top of their ranking: 56% included it among their top priorities. (The figure was even higher among Southern Baptist churches: 60% rated it in their three highest priorities.) Baptist churches were also those most likely to name preaching as a priority. In contrast, mainline churches led the pack in citing discipleship ministries as their highest priority (54%). Pentecostal churches were substantially less likely than either Baptist or mainline pastors to mention discipleship (36%).

Go here for the entire article.

waiting and preaching

I am a novice preacher...perhaps a journeyman preacher if I am having a good day. I am supposed to be preaching tomorrow. Regular readers know this. I have had some trouble with the lectionary and am inclined to just pick something else. This stuff is just not speaking to me. I realize that this is a poor excuse, and there will be a sermon. I shall write one.

For tonight, however, I am waiting. It is a long story and one I cannot post here. Simply pray for the hospital staff on a night like this. Pray for this chaplain. I need it.

I am waiting for patients to make their next move.
I am waiting for a sermon to appear.

Waiting.

sermon fodder

This is a link to the lectionary for this coming Sunday. We employ the Revised Common Lectionary at Reconciler. I think it suits our purposes well enough. The trouble I am having with my sermon this week is that I am still, somewhere in my imagination, arguing with Cliff over Paul's words to the Romans regarding death. They appear in this Sunday's lectionary.

Romans 5:12-19

5:12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death came through sin, and so death spread to all because all have sinned-

5:13 sin was indeed in the world before the law, but sin is not reckoned when there is no law.

5:14 Yet death exercised dominion from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sins were not like the transgression of Adam, who is a type of the one who was to come.

5:15 But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died through the one man's trespass, much more surely have the grace of God and the free gift in the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, abounded for the many.

5:16 And the free gift is not like the effect of the one man's sin. For the judgment following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brings justification.

5:17 If, because of the one man's trespass, death exercised dominion through that one, much more surely will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness exercise dominion in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.

5:18 Therefore just as one man's trespass led to condemnation for all, so one man's act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all.

5:19 For just as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous.

I need to get the argument out of my system so I can preach this Sunday. The argument is not what the pew-sitters need to hear. That is my own trouble and not their's. The trouble I am having is whether or not Paul brings a new read to the Genesis text.

The immortality of Adam is a first or second century interpretation of the Genesis passage. Cliff gives several good quotes on this. Paul himself seems to bear this interpretation. Also, Vita Adae et Evae, or the Latin translation of "The Life of Adam and Eve," and a later adaptation, "The Apocalypse of Moses," suggest that Adam and Eve were originally immortal. The early Israelites, however, did not have this perspective. Philo and Josephus, also early Common Era, do not interpret the Genesis passage to assume Adam was immortal. Now, what this leaves me with is a quandry. I interpret this bit of the Old Testament more like an early Hebrew reader and less like a first centurey Christian. I have been tought by other Christians to read it as such. This is the Humanist/Calvinist ad fontes rearing its head in me. It is farther than Calvin might be willing to take his own all orf returning to the sourse, but the same interpretive ethos exists. As much as is possible can I know how the writers of the work were interpreting their own work? It is a slippery slope.

As impossible as this is, it is a way to engage an community of interpretation...specifically the one who penned the work in the first place. It is a way to engage in the plain reading of scripture. It is a discipline of sorts, our not reading things into scripture. Cliff would agree. It is also a discipline of humility to submit oneself to a tradition of interpretation. If the church Fathers (and Mothers), for example,interpreted the passage along with Paul, I must be cautious of my own interpretation...even if it jibes well with another community of interpretation simply because it is not my community of interpretation.

This becomes quite a quandry for me. The "opposing" community is early Judaism. Urggle. I am not so willing to contradict their interpretation. Even Calvin seems to wrestle with it. Regarding Adam:

He was, in every respect, happy; his life, therefore, had alike respect to his body and his soul, since in his soul a right judgment and a proper government of the afflictions prevailed, there also life reigned; in his body there was no defect, wherefore he was wholly free from death. His earthly life truly would have been temporal; yet he would have passed into heaven without death, and without injury. Deth therefor eis now a terror to us; first because there is a kind of annihilation, as it respects the body; then, the soul feels the curse of God. We must also see what is the cause of death, namely, alienation from God...For then was Adam consigned to death, and death began its reign in him, until supervening grace should bring a remedy.

It is clear that Calvin comes down on the side of Paul. Anything else would have been a tremendous surprise. But Calvin's own admission underscores my trouble. Is Adam's existance temporal? Calvin assumes a pasage to heaven for Adam. Adam is not to live in the Garden forever. He's got to go somewhere. And then there is the "supervening grace" which I assume is the cross. Calvin does not say. He moves on in his comentary on Genesis.

It is that supervening grace which I employ again and again in my work as a chaplain. Ever day someone dies in my sight. Sometimes that death is gentle and serene, sometimes lonely, sometimes traumatic but it is always grace-filled. I know that I am speaking of experience, but that is all any of us have. Paul speaks from his, Calvin from his. Revelation and experience are close-knit siblings in our faithlife. Death, in my experience of watching it, is a gift because it releases us from suffering. We enter eternal life through it. Yes, this is a particular Christian take on it with several caveats respecting God's judgment and our faith. Sure. But I do not fear death. Death is a thing that will come to all of us. It cannot be avoided. Calvin and Paul would surely agree with that much at least.

What we should fear is God's judgment. And even that is perhaps an absurd notion. I can only live by faith. God will judge me by intention and action, by my faith and my praexis. I shall endeavor to live the life of a faithful follower of Christ. Beyond that I must relinquish control of judgment to God. If there is any reason to fear God it is because I cannot predict nor control God's judgment. I look forward to death because it will release me from life. Thus far the "little deaths" I have experienced (e.g. bottoming out and moving into sobriety), have only brought life. The death of baptism only brings life. Why would our physical death be any different? Paul agrees with this as well. So does Calvin. Death and judgment are enshrouded in one another.

I pray for God's merciful judgment when patients die in my presense. I do not know these people well enough to judge them. I do not know how life has shaped them. I only have the confessions of family, and only a couple of times has that been negative. Their disclosure will be slanted and limited. I am the chaplain. I am sure, that if there is bitching to do, then the do it away from me. I also imagine that there is always bitching to do. Heh. I simply will seldom see it. (Note: unless a family requests it, I keep my prayers about judgment to myself. I like my job, and desire to bring comfort. The families need comfort and not the word "judgment" escaping from my lips. I'll leave that to their pastor if they have one.)

But I also imagine God's grace and mercy upon all of us. I cannot judge otherwise. I cannot judge the hearts of my fellows because I too am sinful. I may have a list before me from scripture, but I cannot truly say who has done what and when. That is not even my job. That is God's job as he posesses true judgment. I must concern myself with my own sin on behalf of the Body of Christ as to keep all from sin and death...which is alienation from God...and which has been remedied by Christ's supervening grace. It is that lousy both/and again. Until Christ comes again, our passage into heaven is our physical death. Rejoice, because in that way we overcome death. Death has no victory. Christ has overcome death.

Oh, death is still there, to be sure, and we still face it and someday it will come and take us. But it is our whole faith that by His own death Christ changed the very nature of death, made it a passage � a "passover," a "Pascha" � into the Kingdom of God, transforming the tragedy of tragedies into the ultimate victory.

That's what is bugging me. I still do not know why I should fear death...prolonging my life keeps me from God's judgment, which is what saves me from eternal death. I know that God may judge otherwise, but I cannot control that. There is nothing I can do to fix that and my faith alone will not save me. It is my life which God claims. I endeavor every day to give it to Jesus. I desire total conversion. May my death bring that.

evangelical covenant liturgy

Click on the link to read the liturgy we used from the Evangelical Covenant book of worship this Wednesday. It was a nice service. I'll include the hymns we chose as well. The first hymn was a suggestion from the worship book that was in the hymnal we are using. Other hymns were suggested, but we did not have access to them.

Ash Wednesday

A Service of Penitence and Confession Wednesday February 9, 2005

Ash Wednesday developed as a day of penitence to mark the beginning of Lent. It emphasizes a dual encounter: we confront our own mortality and confess our sins before God within the community of faith. Ash Wednesday, as indeed the entire season of Lent, is a time particularly appropriate for new beginnings in the faith, or returning to the Lord. During this time we intentionally recall our own mortality and wait upon the Lord for the renewing of the Spirit. This is a time for putting aside the sins and failures of the past in the light of who we are yet to become by the grace of God. We are to be prepared by the Spirit so that our participation in the meaning of our Christian faith may be authentic and a true dying and rising with Christ to a new life in God. Ashes are a sign both of mortality ("ashes to ashes and dust to dust") and of purification and cleansing.

GATHERING
In silent meditation

GREETING

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

--And also with you.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless God's holy name.

--Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all God's benefits,

who forgives all your sins and heals all your infirmities,

--who redeems your life from the grave, and crowns you with mercy.

OPENING PRAYER

HYMN #324 Lord Jesus, Think on Me

OLD TESTAMENT LESSON Joel 2:1-2, 12-17

EPISTLE LESSON 2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10

RESPONSE

Cry, and God will answer.

--Call, and the Lord will say, "I am here."

If you do away with the yoke, the clenched fist, the wicked word; if you give your bread to the hungry, and relief to the oppressed.

--Call, and the Lord will say, "I am here."

Your light will rise in the darkness and your shadows become like noon. The Lord will always guide you, giving you relief in desert places.

--Cry, and God will answer. Call, and the Lord will say, "I am here."

GOSPEL LESSON Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21

SERMON

OBSERVANCE OF A HOLY LENT

The first Christians observed with great devotion the days of our Lord's passion and resurrection, and it became the custom of the Church to prepare for them by a season of penitence and fasting. This season of Lent provided a time in which converts to the faith were prepared for Holy Baptism. It was also a time when those who, because of notorious sins, had been separated from the body of the faithful were reconciled, by penitence and forgiveness, and restored to the fellowship of the Church. Thereby, the whole congregation was put in mind of the message of pardon and absolution set forth in the Gospel of our Savior, and of the need that all Christians continually have to renew their repentance and faith.

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial and by reading and meditating on God's holy word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel
before the Lord, our Maker and Redeemer.

Period of silence is kept.

THANKSGIVING OVER THE ASHES

Almighty God, in the beginning you created humankind from the dust of the earth. Bless these ashes now and make them become for us a sign of our mortality and our penitence. Help us to remember that it is only by your love and grace through the unspeakably precious gift of your Son that we are given everlasting life. In his name we pray.
--Amen.

IMPOSITION OF ASHES

PSALM LESSON (read in unison) Psalm 51:1-17

PRAYER

Prayers will conclude with Lord's Prayer (Sins).

HYMN#381 My Faith Looks Up to Thee

BENEDICTION

Depart in silence.

(This order of worship is taken from the Covenant Book of Worship, 2003)

thirdsdey re-flexions

Have you ever burned out on your own earnestness? Yeah? Well, me too. There is something about sharing ashes with 3,587,492 people that can make you a little punchy. Heh. Actually, yesterday was very cool. At one point I was standing in a hallway of the hospital dispensing ashes. I had my collar on and someone asked about if we were having a service in the hospital or not. I told them we had just had the service and that I had some ashes with me if they would like to receive them. The person said yes. Within moments there were twenty more people in line waiting to receive ashes. Someone suggested that I was a drive-thru church. At some moment or another each of us chaplains felt that way, I think. There were many tired expressions around.

In other news, this is the fourth anniversary of my sobriety. Yep, four years ago I stopped drinking. Life. Death. Rebirth. Theosis. Welcome to recovery. Maybe if the Church had a twelve-step program people would understand it more easily. Does anyone know if the mystogogical catechesis contained such steps?

Boy, I am punchy.

Brothers and sisters, I hope you all have a blessed day and that your Lent (if you observe such a thing - check out Noz Esquire's post on ritual) serves you all well. Today is a grand day. The cats are getting along as well as we can expect, I have one of the newer Bobby McFerrin cd's playing. I am in no hurry to be off to work. The coffee is strong. My wife is a stellar human being and easy on the eyes. I am a grateful man. And to top it all off, the US beat Trinidad-Tobago in its opening World Cup qualifier 2-1.

The United States is now in superb position, with nine qualifying matches remaining this year in home-and-away series against Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama and Trinidad and Tobago. The top three teams from the North, Central American and Caribbean region will qualify automatically for the World Cup, to be held in Germany, while a fourth team will enter a two-game playoff against a team from Asia. link

This is when I become a jingoistic dweeb. Something about that glorified game of kickball that brings out the nationalist in me. Why is that? Anyway, Eddie Johnson, the current US star, came out of the same soccer system in Daytona Beach that made me the soccer superstar that I am today. Needless to say, he is playing for the US national team. I, on the other hand, am an armchair midfielder. Eh, whatever. GO USA!!!

I will post the ordo from last night's service at Reconciler. We used the ECC service order. It was lovely and I thought some of you guys would be interested. So, I'll post that and my sermon. The sermon was a very personal reflection on fasting and death. I spoke a lot about my recovery and my current struggles trying to get at this whole Lenten devotion thing. Sometimes my faith still feels foreign to me. Farther up and farther in, then.

Y'all be good.

ash wednesday

Today is the first day of the Lenten fast. I will be preaching at Reconciler tonight. The service is at seven if you would like to join us. Also, at the hospital we will be distributing ashes all day. There are three services. I understand that I am playing at each of them and then going to my units to distribute ashes. When Cliff and I were discussing the issue of death and mortality I was thinking of this day and the work that is set out before me. I will stand in the ER and remind my brothers and sisters there that we are all dust. From dust we came. To dust we shall return. These people who work so hard to preserve life will submit to this. I praise their faith and their desire to help those in need. They are anticipating the opportunity. I was asked three times yesterday if I were going to distribute ashes in the ER. I said yes. I hope that I am the lucky one who does.

Today, if you would all pray for the hospital, the ministry of helping people to live or holding them as they die is why it exists. This day, perhaps above all others, has me deeply aware of what we do.

My faith looks up to Thee,
Thou Lamb of Calvary, Savior divine!
Now hear me while I pray, take all my guilt away,
O let me from this day be wholly Thine!

May Thy rich grace impart
Strength to my fainting heart, my zeal inspire!
As Thou hast died for me, O may my love to Thee,
Pure warm, and changeless be, a living fire!

While life�s dark maze I tread,
And griefs around me spread, be Thou my Guide;
Bid darkness turn to day, wipe sorrow�s tears away,
Nor let me ever stray from Thee aside.

When ends life�s transient dream,
When death�s cold sullen stream over me roll;
Blest Savior, then in love, fear and distrust remove;
O bear me safe above, a ransomed soul!

link

death comes.

This I think will be helpful for those who care what Cliff and I are talking about regarding death and faith.

When a man leaves on a journey, he must know where he is going. Thus with Lent. Above all, Lent is a spiritual journey and its destination is Easter, "the Feast of Feasts." It is the preparation for the "fulfillment of Pascha, the true Revelation." We must begin, therefore, by trying to understand this connection between Lent and Easter, for it reveals something very essential, very crucial about our Christian faith and life.

Is it necessary to explain that Easter is much more than one of the feasts, more than a yearly commemoration of a past event? Anyone who has, be it only once, taken part in that night which is "brighter than the day," who has tasted of that unique joy, knows it. [...] On Easter we celebrate Christ's Resurrection as something that happened and still happens to us. For each one of us received the gift of that new life and the power to accept it and live by it. It is a gift which radically alters our attitude toward everything in this world, including death. It makes it possible for us to joyfully affirm: "Death is no more!" Oh, death is still there, to be sure, and we still face it and someday it will come and take us. But it is our whole faith that by His own death Christ changed the very nature of death, made it a passage � a "passover," a "Pascha" � into the Kingdom of God, transforming the tragedy of tragedies into the ultimate victory. [...]

Such is that faith of the Church, affirmed and made evident by her countless Saints. Is it not our daily experience, however, that this faith is very seldom ours, that all the time we lose and betray the "new life" which we received as a gift, and that in fact we live as if Christ did not rise from the dead, as if that unique event had no meaning whatsoever for us? [...] We simply forget all this � so busy are we, so immersed in our daily preoccupations � and because we forget, we fail. And through this forgetfulness, failure, and sin, our life becomes "old" again � petty, dark, and ultimately meaningless � a meaningless journey toward a meaningless end. [...] We may from time to time acknowledge and confess our various "sins," yet we cease to refer our life to that new life which Christ revealed and gave to us. Indeed, we live as if He never came. This is the only real sin, the sin of all sins, the bottomless sadness and tragedy of our nominal Christianity.

If we realize this, then we may understand what Easter is and why it needs and presupposes Lent. For we may then understand that the liturgical traditions of the Church, all its cycles and services, exist, first of all, in order to help us recover the vision and the taste of that new life which we so easily lose and betray, so that we may repent and return to it. [...] And yet the "old" life, that of sin and pettiness, is not easily overcome and changed. The Gospel expects and requires from man an effort of which, in his present state, he is virtually incapable. [...] This is where Great Lent comes in. This is the help extended to us by the Church, the school of repentance which alone will make it possible to receive Easter not as mere permission to eat, to drink, and to relax, but indeed as the end of the "old" in us, as our entrance into the "new." [...] For each year Lent and Easter are, once again, the rediscovery and the recovery by us of what we were made through our own baptismal death and resurrection.

A journey, a pilgrimage! Yet, as we begin it, as we make the first step into the "bright sadness" of Lent, we see � far, far away � the destination. It is the joy of Easter, it is the entrance into the glory of the Kingdom. And it is this vision, the foretaste of Easter, that makes Lent's sadness bright and our lenten effort a "spiritual spring." The night may be dark and long, but all along the way a mysterious and radiant dawn seems to shine on the horizon. "Do not deprive us of our expectation, O Lover of man!"

Glory be to God!

Now that is what I wish I had said. The bold is mine. Kudos to Scandalofparticularity and the Good Father.

beulah land (for Cliff)

Beulah Land

I�ve reached the land of corn and wine,
And all its riches freely mine;
Here shines undimmed one blissful day,
For all my night has passed away.

Refrain

O Beulah Land, sweet Beulah Land,
As on thy highest mount I stand,
I look away across the sea,
Where mansions are prepared for me,
And view the shining glory shore,
My Heav�n, my home forever more!

My Savior comes and walks with me,
And sweet communion here have we;
He gently leads me by His hand,
For this is Heaven�s border land.

Refrain

A sweet perfume upon the breeze,
Is borne from ever vernal trees,
And flow�rs, that never fading grow
Where streams of life forever flow.

Refrain

The zephyrs seem to float to me,
Sweet sounds to Heaven�s melody,
As angels with the white robed throng
Join in the sweet redemption song.

Refrain

Or there is this one.

I'll Fly Away

Some bright morning, when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away, in the morning
When I die, hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

When The shadows of this life have gone
I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away, in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

Oh how glad and happy when we meet
I'll fly away
No more cold iron shackles on my feet
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away, in the morning
When I die, hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away, in the morning
When I die, hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away
To a land where joys will never end
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away, in the morning
When I die, hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away
I'll fly away

monasticism and church

Coffee is brewing. I do so love the bean. I have been online this morning commenting where I think helpful or encouraging. There have been a few interesting conversations about church, the bounds and growth of it, that I have been paying attention to. Cliff and his Orthodox cohort are hammering out how they understand the bounds of the church. It is interesting to read how they understand the church. I have only piped in to give them encouragement and to be a little silly. I have nothing to contribute to their conversation other than my attention.

In another conversation with Cliff, it became more and more clear to me that I need to start reading "monasticism" when Cliff speaks of the life of the church or the life of the Christian. I had been stumbling over how he understands the church and Christian life. Reading monasticism into it helps. And, as I said in my comment to his post, that is a certain intentional effort for me. I am very protestant in this way. Monasticism still feels like something from the past, a romantic Umberto Ecco spin on Christian history. Even living in a monestary for four years has not cured me of this. I still think of the life of the church as being located in that spired building on the corner of the street....no tall maple trees, no church. That is how much my understanding is influenced by my experience. I truly believe that not growing up with Catholics around, or professed religious around me makes a huge difference in how I envision Christianity. It is not that I am irrevocably tied to this one expression of Christianity, but my initial imagining and experience of Christainity is tied to the Baptist church. We have no monastics. We have no professed religious. We have politicians and colleges. Ha! Individuals like Glenn Hinson will try to reclaim our AngloCatholic roots, but it is an uphill climb to say the least. Many early Baptists rejected monasticism alongside other Protestant groups. Many of us still do reject monasticism. The line is that it is a false "professionalism" of the church. This is the downside to the priesthood of all believers. Though we are now all priests, the priesthood has be brought low. We have not been brought up to the priesthood. This saddens me. I understand it more the other way around. If we are all priests, all monks if you will, then we can express our faith with monestaries and cathedrals and fireside masses singing Byrd or Tallis. We may even employ icons for our use. But as it stands, the baby went with the bathawater and we can still fight with one another as if it were the 16th Century. Depressing. Anyway...moving on.

AKMA has an interesting post on the nature of church models and such. He links to Jordon Cooper's post. I had to chime in since I am deeply engaged in building a church with some other folk. We discussed various models of chruch development when we first started gathering as a congregation. I find them useful descriptors but as guides...I am still uncertain how to emply them if at all. What I like, however, is this quote from Jordon's post:

If there's anything I've learned over the last decade visiting expressions of the body of Christ all over the world, it is that those preoccupied with doing church rarely get to experience body life to its full, while those who are preoccupied with Jesus find church life that is vibrant and awesome.

This is not anti-institutionalism. It is about the purpose of the gathered body. If the purpose is to grown an institution and not the worship of Christ Jesus, then we may have a problem. So there exists a tension. The church development model serves a purpose, but is not an end on its own. The purpose is to articulate the movement of the Spirit. The model should not shepherd the Spirit. The Spirit is the shepherd and we are the sheep.

holy table saws, batman! we have a sermon illustration!

There is sawdust everywhere in our kitchen. Leo, a good friend and landlord, has been working on our new sink and countertop. This is all great news. It looks good, an improvement upon the last one and all that. But there is now sawdust everywhere. Wow.

We will be breaking in our new sink by washing all our dishes. This is not an exaggeration. I mean all of our dishes.

Though frustrating to the extreme, I think I now have my sermon illustration for Wednesday.

dying and compassion in lent

Lent is almost upon us. Reconciler will be having an Ash Wednesday service. Trish and I have been speaking of how we will honor the time. In seminary I stopped giving things up for Lent. I used to be pretty observant, even disciplined about it. I would pray for months leading up to the time of Lent in order to discern what God wished for me to "free myself from." Seminary and denial went hand in hand for me. Not that it was some arduous, soul-numbing thing, but adding one more stressor to the mix (I already do not drink, at the time seldom saw Trish, had my time eaten away by papers etc) seemed foolish. Now that I am no longer in seminary, I am having to reaquaint myself with the discipline of the forty-day fast. In the process, this quote from Henri Nouwen came to mind.

Whenever we claim our gift of care and choose to embrace not only our own mortality but also other people�s, we can become a true source of healing and hope. When we have the courage to let go of our need to cure, our care can truly heal in ways far beyond our own dreams and expectations. With our gift of care, we can gently lead our dying brothers and sisters always deeper into the heart of God and God�s universe. (p. 104 Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring)

How many of us, and I know I have, think of the fasting of Lent as a curative discipline? Simply fasting was not enough for me. I had to assign some meaning to it. What I realize now is that I figured that I would benefit from the discipline, that I would somehow be made clean by the practice. I saw it as a time of purification before Easter...and bperhaps beyond. I see now that I was short-sighted. There may be shadings of purification by fasting in Lent. But more, I am thinking that Lent is about rediscovering my mortality. And, as Nouwen suggests, understanding my own mortality may actually be salvific...and not just for me. "Salvific" and "curative" are not the same thing. I keep conflating them in my mind. "My yoke is easy. My burden is light." These are the words of a man who will suffer and die. I am not so sure that Christianity shoud cure all my earthly woes. Christianity is not the release from suffering nor the embrace of suffering but the admission of it...the recognition of it.

How is it that I forget that I suffer and that I will die? So many questions! Do I not love myself enough? Do I mistake self-love for self-preservation? Surely this is the case for me. If I love myself, then I will do anything to preserve myself. "All medical means necessary." is a phrase I am becoming aquainted with. There are many things that we can do, medically or not, that preserve ourselves. Are they loving or compassionate? Or are they a denial of my mortality?

I am still piecing it all together, and I would appreciate thoughts on Lenten fasting if you have them to share.

an important announcement

As of two days ago, Sly, Mike and Lily have been in one another's company. You who have not heard must now understand. We have had the three of them in the apartment for a year. They have previously only met on a few occasions. Each meeting resulted in screaming and howling and tufts of fur being strewn hither and yon with much feline ferocity. We would keep them in different rooms in the apartment, each having their twenty-four hours in the sun alternating daily. First Mike and Lily and then Sly. It would appear that this long-abiding struggle has come to an end.

Detente. Tres bien!

We had to call in an expert in the field of cat politics. The good Reverend Dave, a pastoral care counselor who also volunteers his time at an animal shelter, made a few suggestions. We discerned great wisdom in what he said. "Territory," "Family ranking," and the momentous "You are both too damn over-protective." Such joy! Such abiding feline political acumen!

You may look at these pictures and wonder how such peaceful animals could cause such concern and anxiety for so long. Trust me when I say that these sweet faces are but masks for killers. If homeland security knew of their existance, they would be deported to Canada in minutes. But with Rev. Dave's intervention no longer must we contemplate living both in Manitoba and in Chicago. This is glorious news! Manitoba is "Friendly," but we do not desire to live there.

At this point in the peace talks, we have all three out when we are home and around. There is a squirt bottle nearby (I have dubbed the bottle "The Coral Sea" to demonstrate to the cats my serious in policing the situation.) in case things get out of hand. Mostly Lily growls at Sly to keep him at bay. Sly gets up on the back of the couch to monitor the situation and Mike wanders around looking confused. I think this will be the way of things for a while. If they manage to avoid a skirmish today, we will let them out overnight tonight. I am glad to know that I will be at the hospital all night. I will not need to witness The Battle for the Bed.

That there is the news, gang. Huzzah!

the birthday boy

This is Justin. He is one year older now. This is his blog.

May God make safe to you each steep,
May God make open to you each pass,
May God make clear to you each road,
And may God take you in the clasp of His own two hands.

a flurry of html glee

Thanks be to Rich.

Using the dropdown cap has been fun this week or so. Mandarin Design is a very helpful site. But I have been learning that I do not know some basic html stuff. I know so little that I cannot even figure out what is going on at Mandarin to do the thing I want to do. What I want is for the floating quote thing...to actually float.

This would allow the text of my post to wrap around the quote. I want the blog to have a little magazine polish. I don't exactly know why I want this. I just think it is an attractive layout. I will try not to use too many tools at once, but there you go. And, as you can see, I still have not figured this out.

So, um, any help you all can give, pointers, html tutoring etc, would be gratefully appreciated.

and now for something completely different

Today I am home from work. I am not in the hospital. The organ retrieval and then the following full day at work took it out of me. I am sad to not be atthe hospital today. I am missing some important stuff on my unit, but there is always important and cool stuff going on on my unit. That is the reality of it. So, I just need to get used to that.

I really like my work. It fills me up. As hard as it can be, as dramatic as it can be, as tired as I become sometimes, it is incredible. Yesterday's surgery was a tremendous experience. I want to share it with you guys, but the blog is not the best place to do that. Suffice it to say that it was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. I heard someone say that standing in on such a surgery was like standing on holy ground. That is no lie. Incredible.

I was up all night, worked all day,