conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

decisions decisions

Aweek or so ago, I was speaking with friends and a couple of new aquaintances and one of the new folk asked me something like, "So, now that you are done with school and all that and are in the hospital, do you know what you want to do with all of it? Do you have a sense of what's next?" Before I could respond, my friends started to giggle. Yes, it was a funny question. What the aquaintance did not know is that I have never ever know what I wanted to do. I am not the most career-minded person. Even when I went to seminary, my decision was more about wanting to go to seminary than to get ordained and be a Baptist minister. As the stages have progressed, I generally get a sense of what is next...and I go that route. School to ordination to some kind of ministry...a very general path where I have yet to ask myself "Is this what you want?" I usually ask a slightly different question: "Are you having a good time?"

Maybe to some this is a silly way to approach these decisions. Perhaps to others it shows some wisdom. I don't know. Maybe it is the question that is the subtext for the general "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I have no clue. Heh. I guess the funny reality is that in spite of all the focus that appears to exist in my life right now, I am still the same clueless guy that I was when I was 25. I live with that reality in a different way now, but it is still the reality I have to wrestle with.

The reason I bring up this particular navel gazing is that I am considering doing another year at the hospital. This would involve a lot of work on my part to create a new position (write grants, find funding, court leadership...yada yada yada). I have no interest in another year of CPE, but I think that I want to do another year as a trauma chaplain. I don't know for certain. I am still feeling it out. I spent about three hours with the full-time trauma chaplain at the hospital working this stuff through. And, sadly, it simply boils dow to the reality that I am having fun. As much as it works me over and tears me up, I am loving this chaplain work. I do not know if it is because I find trauma work so engaging or if it is simply due to the fact that I am putting wheels on all the theological rambling that I have been doing for lo these many years. It may simply feel good to be working. Maybe I would have this much fun in a full-time pastor's position.

To be honest, I think I would. I have the great fortune of imagining myself enjoying several different careers related to ministry. I love teaching. I love reading and conversation. I love preaching and worship ministry. I even like working through the budget of a big-arse church. I like committee meetings. This is one of the reasons why ministry suits me, I think. I like it all. Ministry is often referred to as a jack-of-all-trades line of work. Though this is overly simplified and denies the reality that some people go into this work because the feel called to preach and that is all or something else that focused, it is helpful to me. Here, I can do all the things I want to do. I can learn to do them all well.

I simply love my work.

Now, what I need to do is figure out if I love the specific ministry I have as a trauma chaplain enough to do it for a year in lieu (sorta) of all the other things. It would just be a year, but I need to think on it. I would appreciate your prayers while I discern what to do next. I will get the ball rolling on the process one way or another. I have only six months to secure the necessary funds. That reality doe snot change and I would rather not allow the fiscal reality to make the decision for me.

So, there you have it. That is what I have been musing about of late. You all have a good day. John Calvin says "hello." He missed you all while he was gone.

First, then, let us believe in the promises which Jesus Christ, who is the unfailing truth, has pronounced with his own lips, namely, that he is indeed willing to make us partakers of his own body and blood, in order that we may possess him entirely and in such a manner that he may live in us, and we in him. And, although we see only bread and wine, yet let us not doubt that he accomplishes spiritually in our souls all that he shows outwardly by these visible signs; in other words, that he is heavenly bread, to feed and nourish us into eternal life. (1542 liturgy)

I just like him. I don't always agree with brother Calvin, but I do so like him. Let 'er rip, brother, let 'er rip!

We confess that the holy supper of our Lord is a testimony of the union which we have with Jesus Christ, inasmuch as not only he died and rose from the dead for us, but also truly feeds and nourishes us with his flesh, till we be one with him and his life be common to us. Now though he is in the heavens till he come to judge the world, nevertheless we believe that by the secret and incomprehensible power of his Spirit, he nourishes and vivifies us by the substance of his body and blood. We hold indeed that this is done spiritually, in order not to substitute for a fact and a truth, an imagination or an idea, but also because this mystery transcends in its depth the measure of our capacity and the whole order of nature. In one word, inasmuch as it is celestial, that it can be apprehended only by faith. (Exposition of the faith of the Reformed Churches in France. GENEVA, October, 1557 )

Posted by tripp at February 16, 2005 06:16 AM | TrackBack