conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

general overview of life these days: the abbey pub and creative commons

So, does anyone really watch baseball on TV?

Anyway...This is a post about general news and an experience I had at the Abbey Pub recently that has taken its toll on me. First, the news.

I carry a pager at work. One of the funky options from this service is that we get littel news briefs and weather reports. Kinda cool really. I could check baseball scores when a Cub's game was on during the day. Huzzah! Today there was a little blurb about Creative Commons finally getting big enough that it has to be recognized as a voice in the copyright debate. This makes me happy. I like CC. They have been up to something good. And they posted an AP article on their own blog. We will use them for our church site as well. Though, this raises a few questions for me. Should we have a license at all? What do you all think of how churches should "license content?" Product? Is it a theological impossibility?

On a more personal front, I went to the Abbey and boy did that suck (long post follows).

(begin: whine)

Let me give you a little background. Well, a lot of background.

Once upon a time, before I lived in Chicago, I would visit and on my last night in town I would go to the Abbey Pub to sit in on the session and play. It took some time to warm up to this, but even when I simply sat back and listened (with Guiness in hand) it was always incredible.

For a while I went pretty regularly. There were a couple old timers there who would encourage everyone to play. They would teach the progressions since most traditional Irish stuff is modal and not yer typical 1-4-5-1 progression, I was always grateful for the assist. One time I even got up the courage to sing fo everyone (Bright Morning Stars). I started bringing my mandolin and my guitar. I would pitch in where necessary. It was a great confidence booster. It helped out my more professional choral endeavors as well by improving my ear. Simply by expanding the musical vocabulary, I was becomming a better classical musician. What a great gift.

Once, when I had been out of the session loop for a while, I went to a new place and it was less friendly. Though the people in the sessions we talented and such, they were not welcoming. The music they played was very difficult and thus somewhat beyond me. I was asked to come back when I had learned to play. Yeesh! Wow. Okay...so I never went back. Never. I popped my head in at the Abbey once or twice, but that too felt a little odd.

Then I stopped drinking. The pub scene was right out. After that came seminary and I did not have time. All completely understandable but sad nonetheless. I chose seminary knowing that I would have less time for musical endeavors. My professional chorister life dwindled down to nothing. Again, expected but sad. I regret none of it, but I know I am not the player/singer that I was. I hoped to gain some of it back after school was done.

This weekend was a kick in the teeth. I went to the Abbey with some guys from The Girls. Al and I got there early. The Abbey is different now. The clientele has changed. Gone are the booths and the bare lightbulbs. In are the high tables and halogen lamps with blue shades. In a back room are the guys who play in the session...relegated to some oversized closet. It broke my heart. But then I realized that the old timers are gone (dead? retired?) and only a couple of guys from the Other Pub are there. They play so well and are not welcoming. I did not even break my bouzouki (another instrument to learn) out of its case. Al and I went out front to wait for Sean and play in our own corner.

That was a bummer. Then this guy come out to listen to us play. He had been in back, but was not entirely satisfied. He listened, played a little but by the time that happened I was already out of sorts. I could not hear even simple changes. Blergh. I have forgotten all of it...rusty does not even begin. He got up and left Al and I sitting there feeling like dogs. He was nice. We just felt dumb.

Sean showed up. We played through a bunch of songs for his sister who was in town to run the marathon. It was fine. But I feel deflated now. I am left wondering if I should even try to shake off the dust and rust and find another session. People are kind and often compliment me on my playing/singing. And I feel somewhat competent. But I can tell the difference. "Use it or lose it" keeps running through my head. There seems so little time to use it. It has been a tough realization that I am not the musician that I was.

Maybe God has something else in store for me. Maybe it is music. Maybe it is not. Maybe the time for musical excellence is past. I was never Great but I was damn good. I am young-ish for a singer and could work that up if I wanted to, but the reality check has been a hard one. I am stumped...and disappointed.

"Sing a loud shout to Him with psalms...for our God is a great God." But what if you could and now you feel like you can't? (end: whine)

Posted by tripp at October 12, 2004 02:19 PM