October 15, 2004
fragmented life and mumblings of such
...and everything that is hurt, everything that seemed to us dark, harsh and shameful, maimed, ugly, irreparably damaged, is in Him transformed and recognized as whole, as lovely, and radiant in His light we awaken as the Beloved in every last part of our body. -Symeon The New Theologian, 949-1022 A.D.Praise my soul the King of Heaven...for some reason this hymn is running through my head. It is unceasing...and a little unnerving.
Today has been a good day at the hospital, but I have not been so able to enjoy it. The week has been full, almost too full. We have been going through our mid-term evaluations. This year-long program is divided into three terms. The first began on September first. It is amazing to think that we are half way through. Honestly, this year will be done before I have even started to get my head on straight. I am barely afloat.
Then Jesus told them a parable about their need to pray and not to lose heart.This is what it feels like to be working in the midst of chaos. That is what a hospital is. There are systems and rules and governance and yet it cannot contain the chaos. All it can do is stand in the face of it and respond. It can welcome the chaos and make room for it. That is all. The structures are for our protection. They rest, well, the rest is the shared wisdom and knowledge of medical staff, patients, chaplains, administrators and others. The chaos is overwhelming. The hospital is huge. But somehow it is right....good (meet and right).
I am resting in the arms of its structure right now. I wear the "hot pager" and know who I can call about what. I can respond to the surging tide. If no one can help me, I know that I can go to the place of concern and stand in the chaos myself.
I have been reminded lately that I am an introvert. I love people and sometimes forget that my limitations are not where I think they are. The loving and lovely journey of getting married has taken its toll. The same can be said for ordination. That journey is not quite over as there is a worship service to plan. Glorious stuff! But I am bushed. Whew!
There is still the thesis. A friend offered to hold on to books for me, or to check out new ones. I am not certain that my library card at SWTS is still valid. They are all due October 28th. I will have another draft by then. I love my friends.
Then CPE is doing its work. I have been speaking with my companions about some of my musical frustrations and they have voiced what they think I should do. I am still uncertain. I never knew I was so selfish about my music before now. Good to learn, really. I am one who believes that God does not gift us for no reason. So, then the next odyssey is that search. It will be one of many I embark upon in this year.
And certainly not least is the church plant. Reconciler is a good place. Do please pray for us as we feel our way in this. God is calling. It is our response that I am struggling to articulate.
Brave the chaos. That's my job...to brave the chaos and perchance to sleep. See y'all Monday. The computer is down for now at home and the weekend is a busy one.
Pax!
Posted by tripp at October 15, 2004 04:33 PM