conjectural navel gazing; jesus in lint form

headline: st jerome is the patron saint of swts awards night

Micah Jackson, the Dissiminary librarian, put together a script for the graduating class' tomfoolery last night that boggles the mind. It was great fun. It is my hope that Micah will post the vast majority of it on his site. For your enjoyment, here are the lyrics from the three songs the band played last night.

But first, a word from our friend, Capt. Pacifist...

"You always say that, Calvinist Lad! 'Ooo, it was predestined!' Couldn't you have a superpower that was slightly more useful, like being able to see things BEFORE they happen!?"

Yep. It was like that all night long...

Short Skirt, Long Cassock (ala Short Skirt, Long Jacket by Cake)

Short Skirt, Loooooong�Cassok

I want a girl with a cross of diamond
I want a girl who knows what's blessed
I want a girl with doctrine that cuts
And eyes that burn like charcoal briquettes

I want a girl with the Rite One proper
Who's reformed and catholic
And dresses in black
She's ironing her surplice
She's putting up her hair
She's touring the sacristy
And picking up slack

I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnng cassock...

I want a girl whose Matins is early
I want a girl whose Compline's late
I want a girl with a hotline to the Bishop
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
With candlesticks that shine like justice
And a voice that is bright like good stained glass

She's reformed and catholic
And dresses in black
She's touring the sacristy
And picking up slack

I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnng... lonnng cassock

I want a girl with excellent diction
I want a girl whose chant is strong
At General Convention we'll meet accidentally
We'll start to talk after Evensong

She wants a parish with a 20/20 vision
She tells the vestry "we're growing fast"
She's changing her name from Kitty to Reverend
She's raising attendance at early Mass

I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnggggggggg cassock!

***

Tippet, ala Whip It! by Devo

Crack that whip! Give the past the slip! Step on a crack! Break your momma's back!

If your stole is black and long, its a tippet! When you're singing Evensong, wear your tippet! If you're preaching all alone, you must tippet!

Now tippet - into shape! Dress it up, get it straight! Lean forward, genuflect! Try to discern it - its not too late! To tippet! Tippet good!

If you're an Anglo-catholic, wear a tippet! You will never be dressed right unless you tippet! No one gets to pray until they tippet!

I say tippet! Tippet good! I say tippet! Tippet good!

If your stole is black and long, its a tippet! When you're singing Evensong, wear your tippet! If you're preaching all alone, you must tippet!

Now tippet - into shape! Dress it up, get it straight! Lean forward, genuflect! Try to discern it - its not too late! To tippet! Tippet good!

Now tippet - into shape! Dress it up, get it straight! Lean forward, genuflect! Try to discern it - its not too late! To tippet! Tippet good! Now tippet - into shape! Dress it up, get it straight! Lean forward, genuflect! Try to discern it - its not too late! To tippet! Tippet good!

***

Bill, ala "I'm Just A Bill" from Schoolhouse Rock fame...

{Woof! You sure gotta climb a lotta steps to get to the National Cathedral here in Washington! But I wonder who that sad little man is?}

I'm just a Bill,
Yes, I'm only a Bill,
And I'm sitting at St. Luke in the Hills.
Well, it's a long, long journey
To the capital city,
It's a lot of meetings
With the Standing Committee,
But I know I'll be a priest someday...
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I'm still just plain Bill.

{Gee, Bill, you certainly have a lot of patience and courage!}

{Well I got *this* far. When I started, I wasn't even a *postulant* - I was just a fully initiated member of the Christian community by virtue of my baptism. Some folks back home decided I should be a priest, so they called a parish discernment committee and they said "You're right, he ought to be a priest."Then they wrote a letter introducing me to the Bishop, and I became a postulant. And I'll remain a postulant until they decide to make me a candidate.}

I'm just a Bill,
Yes I'm only a Bill,
And now I'm here in Evanston, IL (pronounce "ill").
Well now I'm stuck in the seminary
And I sit here and wait
While a few key professors
Discuss and debate
Whether they should
Let me be a priest...
Oh how I hope and pray that they will,
But today I am still just a Bill.

{Listen to those professors arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about you?}

{Yes. I'm one of the lucky ones. Most bills never even get this far. I hope they decide to write strong canonical evaluations, otherwise I may die.}

{"Die?"}

{No, not really. Oooh! But it looks like I'm gonna live. Now I go to the Commission on Ministry and they vote on my candidacy.}

{If they vote "yes", what happens?}

{Then I go to the Standing Committee and the whole thing starts all over again.}

{Oh no!}

{Oh yes!}

I'm just a Bill,
Yes I'm only a Bill,
And if they vote for me it'll be such a thrill,
Well then I'm off to the Bishop
Where I'll meet with the shrink
With a lot of other Bills
While the Bishop just thinks.
And if he ordains me then I'll be a priest...
Oh, how I hope and pray that he will,
But today I am still just a Bill.

{You mean even if the whole Standing Committee and the Commission on Ministry says you should be a priest, the Bishop can still say no?}

{Yes, that's called getting screwed and it happens all the time. If the says no, I have to go back to the beginning, and can start all over again, but by that time it's...}

{By that time, it's very unlikely that you'll *become* a priest! It's not easy to become a priest, is it?}

No! But how I hope and I pray that I will,
But today I am still just a Bill!

{He ordained you, Bill! Now you're a priest!}

Oh Yeah!!!

Posted by tripp at May 28, 2004 09:47 AM | TrackBack